With two days before Christmas, I thought this quote attributed to our first president about his actions with an axe and the cherry tree, was apropos of the season. After, this is the season of giving, love, family and by the way, the greatest hoax ever perpetrated by such a large group against a similarly large group. I am of course talking about Christmas, and the lie of Santa Claus told by millions of parents to their children and to their friend's children and frankly to any child who will listen.
Now I am not saying I am against Christmas - I love it. It ranks #2 to Halloween (Halloween is much shorter in duration and frankly the Monster Mash may only be heard once or twice per year, whereas the Waitresses' Christmas Stockings, or Springsteen's Merry Christmas Baby will be played exponentially more.) However, I spent some of Saturday observing the behavior of the parents in line to get their children onto the lap of Santa in hopes of snapping the perfect picture. During the 45 minutes I stood with my own child, I had the opportunity to really see who Christmas is for.
First, we see that Christmas is for the vendors. 30 bucks for the picture of my son on a man's lap who cannot hold a real job. Another 10 bucks for the CD. Oh and by the way, you cannot use your own cameras - They can't charge you for that and we won't have that. In the meantime, the store place their Christmas sweaters front and center in the windows. (This will become important later. Pay attention.)
Second, it is for the parents. Everything leading up to the morning of Christmas is for the parent. The child gets the benefit of presents, and may actually get a lesson in giving and receiving along the way (I hope we got that right at least), but otherwise, this holiday has become about getting parents some level of assurance that they are good parents. They must be good parents as their children are happy when they see Santa. They are good parents, because they have a snappy photo with Billy in a staged pose, with his list. They are good parents, because for the 30 days leading up to Christmas, the child is sooo well behaved.
Seriously folks, I am no longer fooled. Billy is good because you told him you would march up there and tell Santa what a turd he is. Billy looks good in the picture, because while your spouse waited in line, you walked over to Children's Place and bought him a sweater for 50 bucks (Which I believe you will be returning after the photo, based on the way you tucked the tag back in, and stuck the label gingerly to the bag. Billy smiles so nicely because you asked him to rehearse it 30 times while in line behind me, his grimace hiding the hatred he feels for you.
So here we are two days until Christmas. I have heard We Wish You a Merry Christmas 4,302 times. I have actually only had to threaten Fletch 6 times that I would call the Elf. The gifts are wrapped with care and gingerly hidden in the closet upstairs, in hopes that Saint Nicholas will soon be here. And I count the minutes until the first wrapping paper is torn from the boxes they camouflage. And when it happens, I will admit to myself that I am no better than the sweater borrower, but until then, I am holier than she, and looking forward to seeing that train wrap around the tree.
Political side note - We are now approaching our 7th christmas since we invaded Afghanistan, and 5 Christmases since I spent mine away in a crappy little country no one cares about. The election of a new president is complete, and we look like our troops abroad will get another lobster tail dinner served as only the military can. I am grateful for everything they do, and I pray that this holiday, we will all think remember them sometime between the unwrapping and the taste of foul egg nog.
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