A friend in need -

Looking for Land
My wife, Timi, and I, Chris Pieretti, are looking for a little underutilized land. We are researching the development of a food service. You grow it; you cook it. It’s called Kitchen Harvest. Think you can’t afford organic food? If you have a little space, yes, you sure can! You can grow it yourself. The idea is to help communities naturally grow their own food and prepare it simply, deliciously and elegantly. One of the most basic key components to this venture is the ability to efficiently amend our soil types to successfully grow a variety of crops. Our soil amendment would be the richest and most naturally nutritious compost around! The compost would be a mix of natural waste products from the community like leaves, coffee grounds and vegetable waste. It requires some science, some labor and a little land to rapidly produce such fertile compost. I’ve got the science and the labor, but I need the land. Our ¼ acre home lot is plenty for us and our garden needs, but to service a larger community I need a bit more space. A 30’ x 30’ square would be a great start.

I would be completely responsible for all permitting and other legal requirements for the use and operation of a small composting facility in accordance with the Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) and all other relevant governing organizations.
The ideal area of perhaps 900 sq. ft. would satisfy the following:
· Truck access for loading and unloading
· A well-drained area with a workable surface and a slope of 2-4%
· The working surface is firm, uniformly graded and dry
· Area is not located (DEP permit WMG017 for On-Farm Source Separated Composting):
o In the 100-year floodplain of waters of its Commonwealth
o In or within 300 feet of an exceptional wetland
o In or within 100 feet of a wetland other than an exceptional value wetland
o Within 100 feet of a sinkhole or area draining to a sinkhole
o Within 300 feet measured horizontally from an occupied dwelling unless the owner would provide a written waiver consenting to the facility being closer than 300 feet
o Within 50 feet of a property line unless the owner would provide a written waiver consenting to the facility being closer than 50 feet
o Within 100 feet of a perennial stream
o Within 300 feet of a water source unless the owner would provide a written waiver consenting to the facility being closer than 300 feet
o Within 3.3 feet of a perched, seasonal or regional ground water table

The compost pile would be free of offensive odors (unless you don’t like the smell of a forest floor), attractively enclosed on three sides and, if all goes well, perhaps twenty feet high. This land might be found in the corner of a school or church parking lot, the side of an underutilized city lot, the unused bay at a nursery or the small divide of a pasture. It is our intention to work along with nature to provide healthy food for our families, to responsibly nurture our environment and to reconnect to our Earth.

The bitter taste.

Son, as I write this, our nation's top lawyer is deciding whether to press charges against 5 people who helped plan the 9/11 attacks. Hopefully as you read this, the history books are written and this is a distant memory for your generation, much as World War II was for me. But for me, and millions of American's like me, this is not the case. This was our generations defining moment, much like Hitler of the 40's, or Kennedy's assassination in the 60's.

I remember that morning at work. Beautiful fall day in Philadelphia. I had ridden my bike to work. Blue skies. Perfect. After I got settled at my desk, your mother called me. She told me to get to a TV - and we had one in the lobby. I turned it on, and watched in disbelief as the 2nd plane hit the second tower. And I stood there as Katie Couric of the Today show tried to make sense of it. Ten minutes later, I was surrounded by co-workers all of whom were confused by the scene as we all were. The downside of an HD media - We were all getting it at once. And being 3 hours away, we all had friends living in New York City. And living in and around a city we all were wondering who was next.

By ten am that morning the air was void of planes, and our nation had suffered the worst attack of our generation. Within hours we were galvanized against the enemy, but within years, many had forgotten or the weekend patriots had gone home. By today, we have a new problem, which should have been handled long ago.

I believe in our Constitution, and especially in the 8th Amendments. I believe that all criminals deserve a right to trial. However, I also believe that those who organize into an equivalent nation state are not criminals but rather warriors, and these warriors of this new, threat nation state are not subject to our laws, our Constitution, or rights afforded to those who live within those constructs. In short, if you fly some planes into 5,000 innocent people, and if effects our country, you don't get to play the fair trial. And don't ask for anything other than cruel and unusual punishment. We are forever scarred by your actions, and you deserve nothing more than the most deviant, violent, and painful stuff I can imagine. And my imagination is vivid.

You see on that day, those men attacked my family. This country is a conglomeration of all types, but the nation is above all. We must protect it like our family and for those who attack the family, the response must be swift and metered to leave an impact which deters others from delivering similar blows. In turn, these 5 men, these warriors, deserve nothing but the same brutality, and callous disregard for the peaceful remainder like that which they plotted and delivered on 9/11.

But because these men plotted as a conspiracy against the United States and because they acted as represetatives of this nation, I am willing to turn away from the Constitution which applies to us and apply a more coarse, and more just law of land warfare, where enemy combatants are subject to trials for war crimes - where the punishments are more severe and the justice more swift. I hope that rage prevails this time, and that we get what this nation needs to put this behind us - and give us something to blame, and something to destroy. Let it be put to rest, and let's move on with the healing.

A great night, and a brief post

Son, right now you are approaching sleep, as your mother tucks you in. Tonights lecture has nothing to do with leading nations, freedom of speech, civil rights, or even hot girls (That is for tomorrow at the pool). Tonight the focus is on you.

Tonight, you and I got a chance to hang out under the stars, by a roaring fire while swinging in the hammock. Many years from now, this memory will have long passed for you I am sure but it will still be vivid for me long into my senility. However, when you read this, the lesson I want you to take away is to make sure you make these memories for you with your own son - or daughter. The time is invaluable, and while you sat there talking of your days events, I watched the embers glow orange and the stars shine bright white against the deep, dark sky above. I hardly notice the blood draining into the invisible mosquitoes, or the houses that envelop our neighborhood.

That time, that precious time, which slips through our hands as you get older, and taller, and smarter, and just grow into being you, stops as we sit there under the sky, and I am grateful for those moments. I could listen your stories for hours. Tomorrow, I will bring the marshmallows, and the tent - You bring more stories. And in a few years when I spent this time with your little sister - don't be jealous - I promise I will make enough time for both of you.

Another day of heated debate

Well son, today I inspired a day of heated debate by my friends, colleagues and patriots. People who love their country - who love their fellow man, stepped up to kick down those who don't believe in their one true approach to American government. And when bright minds differ, we have evolved to name calling, exaggeration and flexing of the truth to where it is no longer recognized.

As you grow older, I am sure our nation will mature, but in what direction I am not sure. Interestingly, in 1992, I was in and around London, England, with the British Army. During that time, I learned a few things. First, and most important, I learned that it is possible to train hard all day, shooting, marching, more shooting and more marching around a town called Thetford. I also learned that after all of that you can drink from around 10 pm until 3-4 am and then continue the training, if you really try and push through the pounding in your head.

Most importantly, I learned of the importance of tradition and respect. During this visit I was informed by our US leaders not to ever question the role of the queen. Seriously, a matriarch in the 20th century, who had no real power and whose only authority has been derived from being born from the "right" uterus. However, to the English people, she and her family represented the elite. The aristocracy had a role, and she acted as a model for all people on behavior, on culture, and being a lady, when all about are losing their head. In fact, I probed the subject with my peers in their Army and it cost me dearly in pints of warm bitters. They are serious about it.

Again in the military, I learned these important lessons. Despite the several leaders I had over the years who failed me, I knew I had to follow the rules that required I follow, as those who may have disagreed with me had to follow me at times as well. While not a perfect system, it allows a unit to operate under extreme duress, when the chips are down and when all about them are again losing their heads. Certainly not the best approach, but we lack a hive mind, so this will have to work. And it surprisingly does. It works even better when the leader you have knows how to get the best from you. By now you have met your uncles Greg and Dave and others and know what I mean.

So onto my point. We are a nation in crisis. We have a failed economy. A failed corporate America, where greed, and deregulation of key industries married to destroy economic prosperity. We have two wars, plus a globe in humanitarian failure. We have an illegal immigration problem, coupled with a disease of sloth among many of our citizens. We have a pseudo democracy as a form of Government, where money can drive the incompetent or expired into power term after term after term, and where the truly competent leaders of our generation run fleeing into private industry. We have a Government which is bloating like a corpse in the river, but where our people turn in times of crisis. And lastly, and likely the worst, we have a long outdated two-party system, which likely represents only a minority of citizens and that has disenfranchised most of the middle and lower-upper classes by representing those who are not them. So what do we do? We eat our leadership.

Now, before I continue, I want to remind you of two recurring themes to these missives. First, the Constitution is our nation's guiding beacon. There is nothing else that matters, and the measure of a nation is how it behaves in light of this document, when the chips are down. Second, critical thought is a key factor in your success in life. When people bring you ideas, you must always consider them carefully before making a decision. Life is about the choices you make, and not the crap you acquire. Therefore, always look at what is in it for all involved and not just what will you get out of it.

So, let's look at our current state. The far right would tell you that our current leader is to blame. That he is evil and that he is trying to indoctrinate our children. (I would say that we could do a better job of indoctrinating our children into being a little more pro patria). The right would argue that his programs are socialist. That his behavior is driven by racial motives, or that he represents the interests of terrorists. All of those things and more have made it to Fox News. And been spoken by Republican leadership.

On the other hand, our more liberal representatives would blame our current crisis on the former President. They would focus on the last administration, and attempt to evade any criticism for their own significant failings as the Congress who deregulated housing, a key market driver in a society which produces nothing (seriously son, our country produces exactly nothing, except services, porn and some other useless crap - everything else comes from Asia - Thanks Unions!) The left will push issues the nation is likely not ready for while hiding behind a black man shouting "racist" at every critic of his administration.

So where is the solution? I suspect if your mother and I are still in this country as you reach adulthood, the solution is like everything else. In moderation. The reality is that the truth is in the middle, and yes, it shall set you free.

Is our President socialist? Perhaps more so than we are used to. Socialist in the sense of post-depression activities like welfare, and food stamps, but perhaps to a more significant degree. However, this guy inherited a train wreck from his predecessor, and this train had the brakes release before President GW Bush took office. Wanna blame someone? There are plenty of targets to go around.

Does that make him evil? A guy named McCarthy say around called all of the people in Hollywood "Communists". Were they? Probably not. Did it make them evil? No. Was McCarthy an ass? Yep, but was he evil? No. We just arrested a guy who locked up three women in his back yard for over 18 years. He was evil. I watched two towers collapse in New York, on live television, while those below and above died. That was evil. Giving healthcare to poor people? I don't like it but it is far from evil.

Do we need socialism of the core providers like healthcare, the auto industry and banking? I suspect not. However, the systems as they are today are screwed up. They fail to provide to the masses. They fail to provide, even for those who can afford to pay. Period. I almost had to pay $6,000 in medical bills for you my boy, because the insurance company put a check in a box where there should be no check. But this is not a reason to Federalize these services (For the record calling these services socialized or Socialist is a great term to inflame thanks to 40 years of the Cold War - Just ask Charlie McCarthy)

Should we just figure it all out without the taxpayer "buying" the failures? I am sure we should - But I didn't get elected on 11/4/2008. So you know what? I am not sure these are the solutions, but the people have spoken. Therefore those who oppose have two choice, really. Wait until 11/4/2012 and make some changes, or take up arms against the tyranny of a Government to be unjust. I suppose there is a third option, but it is unpopular. Step up to the plate, and go to their congressman. Get involved. Take a real stand but without hiding behind the bitter rhetoric of ratings whores. Better still - volunteer to help children who are without because of lazy parents to become more than their parents accomplished. Help those who cannot help themselves to become better so that someday they will help those who are in need.

Did our congress screw up? Definitely. Was our former president out of his depth? Sure was. Is our current one? Maybe. However, I will say this one important thing. It is easy to be an armchair president. It is easy to second guess. Those who take that job likely have some personality quirks that I don't care for, but most importantly, I know I don't want the job. In our immature culture, it is too easy to sit back though, and say I don't want the job, and still bitch about the job the guy is doing. Another lesson from my friends from the British Army - "Any cunt can criticize." (Sorry readers, you may find this objectionable, but I do so love the 1st Amendment.) This phrase is as applicable to a light infantry platoon making mistakes as it is to leading a nation. We will make mistakes - these guys have to figure out how to fix them.

A last question for you. Do we in the middle and lower-upper classes live in a bubble? We definitely do. As you get older, I encourage you to see the worst parts of this great land. While our pundits shout down opposition, many of them have never spent real time with a family whose house burned to the ground after they lost insurance, after the husband lost a job, because we have to more industry. I found a house not far from where we live, where the two women who lived there were descendants of slaves, and had never bought property of their own. They were evicted, when the owner of the property, whose grandparents had invited the slave family to stay in the home on the property after the emancipation proclamation. Before you were born, I had coffee with a man whose home had been blown apart except for the one remaining room, where he lived, until he could rebuild. And he paid for the coffee. My point is that while we shout at each other, write checks to charity and drive our German cars around, we keep a blind eye to the Mexican woman who cleans our hotel rooms, or the dirty white kid who washes our car. Or even to the World War II veteran who served his four years fighting Nazis and liberating nations, but today has to split his pills in half, because the job he worked for decades lost his pension funds and now finds himself on limited income, but too proud to take Government assistance. Go out son, and meet these people, for they are where the truth lies. Great Americans who work so their children can see a brighter future.

When we look beyond this bubble and realize that "There but for the Grace of God Go I," we realize quickly that we must find a national solution. That while the guy who is in charge is in the elected position authorized by our founding documents, that he is in charge. That it is time to shut up and march and shoot and fight like hell to get through this, and that your dissent is past critical thought and that both sides are being cunty (Thanks Color Sergeant Mick, I will never forget this lesson, though I have forgotten your last name). It is frankly time for sacrifice. To pick up and fight, and to get this nation back to where it should be. And frankly a place for my many friends to realize that the other side is not entirely wrong and that their own side is not entirely right, but rather that the solution will only be found when we can sit down at the table, over some beers, and discuss - without name calling - the facts and the objectives. And perhaps in the morning through hangovers we will find that our sight pictures are a little more crisp as the fog lifts, and those who are on our left and right sides are a little more close to brethren and a little farther from being the enemy.

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms - An idiot's guide

Son,

By the time you read this, you will likely have been given my pellet rifle, and probably my old .22 rifle. I got a version of this same pellet rifle when I was 6 (it was the 1776 commemorative issue when I got mine) and the .22 I got when I was 8. It came with lessons in responsibility, safety and common sense, but most of all it came with a little fear - which in the case of a firearm is a good idea. Hopefully, as you read this, you will look back on our times target shooting - the patience, the skill, the perfect shot - and you will have come away with some basic lessons, like -
- Never point it at anything you aren't willing to destroy
- Always treat a firearm like it is loaded, even when you are 99% sure it isn't
- Once the bullet is fired, you can never, ever put it back and you can never repair what it destroys.

But on the other hand, there is nothing like the power, the adrenaline, and the release of firing a weapon. The skill it takes to hit targets; the power of holding a controlled explosion - All of it pretty much develops a confidence which few other events can develop. You truly hold life and death in your hands and it is a power and responsibility which should never be taken lightly.

In our country we have the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of these United States. In it, it attempts to preserve the right to keep and bear arms, a phrase consistently abused, stretched and tormented by the gun lobby and the manufacturers, as well as a few extreme members of our society. Over the years, regulators have tried to take away rights, limit rights and even take guns from the hands of their owners. While I suspect they will never accomplish this, a few extremists went over the top and placed these rights onto a slippery slope into a shredder by being foolish in the eyes of the international press, and the local anti-gun lobbyist.

During a recent "Town Hall Meeting" - Republican speak for opportunity to scream and Liberal speak for chance to spin the truth, members of the Arizona community came to the meeting armed - carrying assault rifles slung over their shoulder. This was done under Arizona's Open Carry law which permits residents of the state to carry a loaded firearm in the open, without being concealed. I suppose the logic is that the bearer of the weapon is letting everyone know he is carrying so others can leave him alone. I can find only a half dozen lessons here for you to take away with you.

First, remember this - Just because you have a right, doesn't mean you have to exercise it. People who abuse these privileges mock the very purpose behind the law. I suspect that the intent of this law was to help farmers who were trying to deter coyotes from taking livestock, and it has been bastardized to this purpose

Second, if you are the strongest man on the beach, someone will try and test you. Similarly the guy with the assault rifle is only a bad day away from someone trying to take it from him. And any fool who wears a shiny assault rifle on his shoulder is sure to have it taken from him.

Third, firearms kill indiscriminately. Combustion, velocity, friction, momentum, and a variety of factors weigh in to determine where the round goes after it leaves the chamber. Carrying an assault rifle in public is not for self-defense - It is a show. And if that carrier shoots someone in a crowd, they will likely kill the person behind the target. Remember, you cannot control where the bullet stops, and who it kills along the way.

Last, and most importantly, our founding fathers felt reasonable men (and women) could arrive at a conclusion through open discourse. The 2nd Amendment was not designed to end arguments. Bringing a firearm to open debate closes the discussion through fear - exactly the type of despotic influence we have fought since 1774, and which we shall always continue to fight. Tyranny through force is never the solution, especially within our own borders. And for this reason, these extremists have placed our collective rights in jeopardy through their abuse of rights.

I hope this is valuable, and I hope someday, you will look at your son, across the range, knocking holes out of the 10-ring while you teach him these same lessons of responsibility. Know that our nation was founded on certain beliefs and we must sustain these without distortion and abuse.

Where oh where did my little blog go. . .

So son, since my last penning, a lot has changed. And a lot has stayed the same. By the time you read this, the history books will tell of a man, a black man, who was elected President of the United States. He has been in office about 7 months now, and people are expecting miracles, and he has yet to deliver. However, he has been delivering. Unfortunately, the population of these United States take and they seldom return anything, except their unwavering ability to be contrarian. I will say that at least he seems to have restored the title President to the office, but that is a far cry from turning the nation around. He has my faith and support still today, but there are many who would armchair quarterback and cry "Socialist" than stand up and offer a different, unselfish plan.

Interesting is that the thing you won't learn from the school book that you will someday read about our Nation, its first black President and our current leadership is that unlike when Washington and the many other framers of our Government sat down at the table to create this nation, they did so with the intention of doing something great. Something larger than their collective. Today, we have representation from each state - all motivated by their own desire to be popular and not to serve the greater good. Today, we have a fourth estate - the media - who sit by and criticize, without an inkling of how to solve for the problem our nation has created. So I beg you, as you read the books someday of how we persevered through these times, remember your father's belief in critical thought, and wonder aloud about those who lead you during your generation. Always ask, "what is in it for them," before you make a decision to support their actions.

Right now, I write this from our front porch, while you rest upstairs watching Spongebob and drift groggily off to sleep. A few weeks ago, Rich returned home from Iraq. He spent his time there leading young men whose mission was to maneuver prisoners around the battlefields of Iraq. He worked tirelessly, often overnights and always far from home and in harm's way. I hope you will meet him someday, as he is a great guy who your father spent too much time with when I was a soldier.

Today, John returned home from Afghanistan, having spent a year there training members of the Afghani Police how to be better police. John is a soldier on the weekends, but full time he is a police officer in Las Vegas. Remember this when you do something stupid during a college road trip to Vegas. "Officer, I would really like to speak with Captain John Woosnam," as it may get you out of jail. By the time you can do something like this, John will be in charge of the whole state's police department.

I hope that by the time you read this, we be deep in another 2 decades of peace as the burden war brings to a country is tough to imagine especially when people you have considered brothers are pulled back in - over and over. Rich has gone three times in his career, and that is frankly three too many.

In the meantime, remember that you and those like you will be the future of this nation. I know this is a hearty burden. Unfortunately as I watch many of this nation's parents sit back and allow the school systems to pass them along, and as I watch the children play sports where everyone gets a prize, I know that we as a country are in for a hard lesson which will become your burden. Know that your father will love you always, but the trophies you earn from hard work will be when I am proudest. And when you don't get one even though you played hard, when get up and play again, I will be even prouder still. Just think back to all the times you shook it off and rubbed some dirt in it. Now, off to pull your covers up tight to make sure you sleep soundly in the freedom we have thanks to the great Americans like John and Rich, who sleep with their loved ones tonight again after too long.

Turning 5 - Again

On Monday, May 11, Fletcher turns five. For those in the dark - readers who trip over this in search of sanity, guidance and council, Fletch is my son. For the record, I don't know how he has lived this long - He is as clumsy as his father, and seems to seek adrenaline in every feasible way. Today was his party, where friends from school, from the neighborhood and just friend in general converged on my home, took over for a few hours and left us in post-party euphoria.

During the party, Mom and Dad played referee, nurse, and babysitter to about 15 kids and some of their parents. We were unusual as we were only the second of about 15 parties to host at our own home. It seems that an entire industry has emerged here in North Carolina where family after family is coaxed, cajoled, and peer pressured into the next big event - all for the reasonable cost of 299.99. Kidding. It is unreasonable. In the past year we have attended parties of all shapes and sizes, ranging from a childrens museum (which is the most reasonable of all), to bowling, to the bouncing festival, some of which exceed $400. We looked at this, and discovered nothing we could do which hadn't been done, especially in the southern end of the price range. Oh and by the way, while taking them all to Transformers 2 was my suggestion, it was shot down for two reasons. 1 - Megan Fox. and 2 - The kids are only 5. Waaah.

So we hosted at home. the opening salvo from my son was that he wanted a reverse party. People arrive, we open presents, we eat cake, then dogs, then we run around. A little Jason, obviously - driving to the point, and relegating all the other crap to just fluff.

We decorated the house with Star Wars paraphenalia. We boiled about a million hot dogs (a little too long) and we opened the doors to throngs of fans of Fletcher. Despite some of my son's five year old drama (I don't wanna play red light green light I wanna knock opened the Vader pinata so rebuild it daddy everyone can leave now so I can open presents) the party was a success overall - no fatalities and lots of presents.

And then I get to turn 5 again. As people left, Fletch and I got to opening the boxes containing those sweet little, logical, uniform, modular blocks. Heaven in heat sealed bags. And as we tore into each bag of Legos, we raced through the instructions, building starship and droid one after another. And when my son would get distracted, his brother, I mean his father would carry on, building, so that we could destroy the evil Empire promptly and with great mayhew and discontent.

I was fortunate tonight, as while I am unsure that these memories will carry forward for my son, and while someday when he is nearing forty, his memory of these times may have faded, I know that when I am eighty, these images will be etched into my brain and be pulled back to remind me of those great times with my son. Today, I was able to transport back to a time of innocense where good and evil were defined by terms of Jedi and Sith.

I also hope that as he gets older, and I still live vicariously through him, he and I will do other things together - like cruising for girls in college bars - hopefully we can do that for his 6th birthday.

The Right to Bear Children

So, in the headlines today, among the stories of economic stimulus and changes in the government, there is a current which continually to stimulate our need to judge people. The news provides us persistent status of Nadya Suleman, the mother of 14, Angolina-look-alike-lips, who in no way is capable of raising 14 children. And she has our attention.

Nadya went through fertility treatments no less than 7 times. Her first 6 kids were all the result of science, and the provision of semen from a close personal friend. In turn, she had an additional 6 embryos, which she had fertilized, and then placed in her womb. Naturally, because nature has a sense of humor, 2 of Ms. Suleman's embryos split, giving her a total of 8. At which point she delivered all 8 a few weeks ago. Since then, she has run the media circuit, telling the world of how she will raise these 14 kids with love and student loans. A plan which can certainly not fail.

Since then, while denying she was on welfare, she has taken food stamps, and disability for 2 of her first 6 kids. In addition, her family has looked at the situation, and metaphorically and literally shaken her head, wondering what the hell went wrong in their own child rearing. Her doctor fails to see what was irresponsible for implanting the final 6 in a mother without a job.

However the latest was societies response to her 14 kids. In recent news there have been calls to remove the children from her home. Naturally, I would agree, that a person's belief that they can raise 14 kids is certainly a possible symptom of insanity. However, I would suggest that our nation's laws provide no limit on numbers of children or who can raise them. My issue is that the suggestion was made that the children be removed subject to an investigation, which seems to put the cart before the horse. And frankly, if this is legal, your author is in deep trouble. I will certainly be arrested for something that I have thought of doing.

As I mentioned above, the evidence is strong that this mother may not appreciate the needs of 14 children. Further, in watching her responses on the Today show, while she is incredibly well spoken, and says the right answers to the questions, I would submit that these answers were entirely too correct and too well spoken to not have been scripted. Further, when the financial plan is to live on student loans until she graduates to be a social worker, at which time they will be on easy street, the evidence begins to build. Today, her father and mother are beginning to show signs that this is a real issue. Lastly, while Ms Suleman believes that her community and her church will surround her with love and assistance. That had better be one large church. The reality is that the facts of this story are the precursors to the story which reads, "Mother smothers 14 then steps in front of traffic". But folks, we need to do the investigation first. And fast. And final.

At the end of the day, I have no doubt that an investigation will result in 14 kids finding new homes, better homes, and homes where they are not starved. In watching my sister and her husband today, who have a 3 week old son, Gage, it is obvious that I was right 4 years ago, when I said to myself that parenthood is the hardest job you will ever have. Nurturing one child is hard work, often thankless, spattered with happiness, sadness, and sleepless nights. My sister and her husband are handling it like most new parents, figuring out what works, and what doesn't. I watched her calculate the number of ounces of milk Gage ingested today. I laughed out loud. While they are doing and awesome job, the parents both have exceptional intellects and deep passion for doing a great job. Ms Suleman lacks the intellect, and has a passion for craziness and no real appreciation for what she has brought into the world. I wish only the best for her children, and I only hope that this disaster is mitigated by quick action of the state.

I am less of a Patriot

This weekend, I joined my fellow Americans in what looks to be a repeatable, frequent activity. I stood alongside my brethren - Black, White, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Asian, and every other imaginable flavor. We walked through the tiled miles, watching, hunting, and at times even fighting for our rights to obtain food cheaply. No, we were not in bread lines, nor were we in some post-apocalyptic scene from Mad Max. We were in Walmart. Yes, Walmart, Friday night, for food shopping. And I am less of an American because of it.

I am not a snob. Walmart is no better nor worse than any other big box store, though the brand of loser in Walmart on a Friday night is indeed special. I had never been on a Friday night, and will likely choose better in the future. But we wandered the halls of Walmart looking for the best China has to offer. We found aisle after aisle of bargain, and we spent about 2/3 to half of what we normally spend on groceries, and found everything, if not more than in our normal supermarket. And for this, I should lose my right to a veterans funeral.

I say these disparaging remarks not to take away from the millions of American shoppers who frequent Walmart - I too will be going back. We have been forced into these conditions by economic challenges, and the realities that saving at times like these is all that much more important. I make these remarks because I am angry - I know, big surprise - that Walmart has taken such a share of the market, that they can afford to be so low in cost, and in turn that they can pressure their suppliers to be so much lower for Walmart that they make it impossible to compete, fairly and freely. How does a local supermarket ever open their doors when Walmart is cutting them 50 cents on the dollar? Impossible to start right from the beginning.

In addition, when Walmart squeezes their vendors so tightly, the vendor is forced to ship their manufacturing overseas. Once they transfer the manufacturing for Walmart overseas, they ship all of it there - It fails to make sense to do anything here, if they have to do any manufacturing there - which in turn castrates American manufacturing. Even if we could make it better here, we wouldn't, simply to save a few pennies. Interesting to note, while sitting over lunch a few weeks ago, I was talking with an MBA and a PhD candidate - two fairly smart guys. I posed the question, what do we as a nation still produce and product well. My MBA friend, whose family was in textiles, pointed out that his family still produces some of what they did many years ago (surprisingly nylon stockings). However, we couldn't name anything else, besides cars (and they didn't really make the "Produces Well" category. This is shameful.

Worse still is the fact that everything is found in Walmart was disposable. There was nothing which seemed to have an enduring quality - Clothes were fairly single use - no handmedowns. Furniture was pressboard, and would look lovely for 4 years, and then look lovelier in a landfill. Toys lined the shelves, and the video game areas far outsized the sporting good areas (at least the baseball, football type sporting goods) and the toys for the most part would not survive the attention switch of a four year old, let alone pass from an older child to a younger one. Tags on all of the products read "Made in Somewhere Else". And the icing on the cake was Walmart's weak attempt to sell us a non-plastic bag for our use to carry crap into our homes, hung at the check out below eye level, and out of the way. I guess the profit on those is lower.

While this began years ago, Walmart exacerbated the issue by controlling so many diverse vendors from televisions to TV dinners and left us with an additional economic catastrophe to deal with. Their sole saving grace is that they do in fact pass on these savings to customers, and this does help many Americans. I found myself watching the people in line as we checked out. The old black man, with US Army Retired on his baseball cap. The young Hispanic couple, he in his work clothes, and mom carrying the young infant, with their daughter in tow. The stereo-typical 40-something, single mother, white woman with her cigarette pack in her back pocket of the too tight for her age jeans, smacking candy from her kids hands while they waited in line, and us, another couple in this sea of hundreds, just trying to save some money, in hopes of finding an American dream, and watching Walmart push it just a little farther out of reach.

On a side note, there is something ironic about buying ammunition and food at the same time. Where our forefathers worked the North Carolina landscape into crops and hunted food with their ammunition, I now buy ammunition to forget about the economic and other life challenges we face today, and I buy my crops with labels from Peru so I can have my blueberries in February. As I have said in the past, Globalization is grand, but better still is that I am so far from the hunter/gatherer that I don't think I know my place in the food chain anymore. . .

I hate off shore call centers (or why I should just read the directions)

So today, I spent 30 minutes on a chat session with Linksys technical support. The lag was remarkable between the time it took me to type my question and the time it took to receive a response. I have no doubt that this was because someone trascribed it to postal mail, and then mailed it to Bangalore. (Home of the torpedo). They ran me through the script. Painfully slowly. "Is the power light on?" This only makes me angrier, because I know there is someone in BF that answers "Ooops, you're right". I explain my issue to them in great detail. They then ask me specific questions which demonstrate that they have not read any of my typing. Which only angers me more. I then realize I want to do something else, and the game begins. I respond with another answer, and then let them know that they have 8 minutes or I am returning the product. Nothing like a little pressure to add some fuel to the fire.

We continue down the path. Open the device manager. "Is your device there?" My reply "I don't know, the device manager is pretty big. Wanna give me a hint where it is?" For the record, "Wanna" might not translate so well. We look. Not there. 6 minutes, I tell them. "Is the device plugged into the computer?" "Yes" Really? You asked if it was in the Device Manager, but thought I might not have plugged it in? Seriously dude, the script is meant to be read top to bottom. 4 minutes, I type. Another minute of diagnosis fails, and finally I surrender. I eat my egg salad, and start again. This time, when the installation gets to the point where I got stuck ( a point which my overseas friend never discovered in his script, I find that there are more words than I saw before - An option which I should have chosen. And I click next. And next again. And oh my, guess what - Next again. And suddenly I could connect to the internet.

So now, I have completed the task of connecting my Xbox to the internet again, with blazing fast speed. And I realize, I don't really hate the linksys products I have bought over the years. I hate the product service which I have received. And to be fair, so have millions of other Americans. I just saw a story on the news the other day, where people are pushing the companies from which they buy into moving their operations for call centers back to the continental US. Clearly with 11 million unemployed we can do a better job. Companies like Cricket, who make a cell phone for the elderly actually tout their on shore call centers on their television ads. Many more, like Dell are moving back, having failed to serve their customers from afar, and realizing that their customers will simply go to best buy and buy from the Geek Squad, because these kids speak their native tongue while reading the script.

I do recognize that it is not Linksys' fault that I don't read directions, but when I call for help that you brag about, I would really like the person to answer the phone having read them before I call.

Medical Malpractice

This morning, I find myself in the waiting room of one of North Carolina's larger medical centers. My wife is undergoing a last minute out patient procedure, and while I sit here holding her hand, I find myself wondering why we are so broken in this particular area of our lives. OK, to be truthful, I am not holding her hand right now. She is in recovery, zonked out on the one thing we do well - get people high. So while I wait, I thought I would make a few observations, and maybe one of my readers can help fix what is broken.

So first, I should point out - The people here for the most part have been terrific. From the woman we met at reception at 6:55 AM who guided us to our room, to the IV nurse who patiently worked with Amy to try to get her IV started, to our doctor, the team here has been wonderful. The care they brought literally had me in tears, and I wondered where these people can find the compassion in the bureaucracy to which our legal establishment has perverted our hospitals. It was remarkable, and at a low point in our lifes, it was comforting like warm blankets and labrador retrievers.

Unfortunately, the inefficiency born of litigation have come to take what should be a routine procedure and make it unbearable. We were here 2 hours prior to the procedure, and received no less than 6 separate visitors, 3 of whom asked the exact same questions. Yes, she is allergic to penicillin. Yes, she has been in the hospital. Yes, she is under stress and in nervous. Yes the sky is blue, yes, get the fuck out of our room. Oh and yes she is 5 foot 4 inches tall. If you really brought me into a hospital to ask me how tall she is, we are surely broken. So, we go through the battery of questions. Twice. (Which I thought was nice; I am sure people undergoing open heart surgery hear this same barage 12 times.)

Then the woman comes in to draw blood. She is a linebacker of a woman with the compassion of someone doing a cavity search. After rooting around in one of my wife's arms, I watched her do the other. And my stomach began churning. I have never had an issue with medical stuff. I watched them sew up my hand (I even considered sewing my hand myself that time), I have seen pretty bad wounds, and I even like medical TV. However, while I watched the woman dig for a few minutes, I felt that wave of nausea that comes at sea during a bad storm, or while watching someone you love sit in pain, while you are helpless to kill the beast causing the pain. As the blood finally, mercifully began to flow, I felt the sickness subside and I was able to plan an alibi for the murder of a linebacker. But then the room was filled with more questions from new faces, and with this many witnesses, my plan for revenge was thwarted. Remember - I said most were wonderful here. This woman was just wrong.

The man came while the IV nurse still struggled to find a vein, and he wanted to take Amy down. Now, I know I mentioned above that the people were wonderful, but this woman was above and beyond. She was patient with a sobbing patient, gentle when the times were toughest, and above all professional, while loving. In the case of a large scale hospital, where lives are saved and lost all day, her role was to set up IV inputs for patients awaiting surgery. She comes in for the harder cases where the vein is less than obvious and the floor nurse is unable to help. Some would see her job as small, given that most patients will likely not remember what she did for them on a busy day, and she will seldom be heralded as saving a life, and less often receive the glory she deserves for her work. However, to me today, she was a hero, as without her, I was one straw away from a broken back. Thanks Beth. I will send a letter to Rex hospital, and maybe you will get the praise you deserve.

The gurneyman (I know this isn't the right term, but it sounded funny to me) arrived to take Amy down to the OR, but Beth hadn't been lucky in finding that vein. Amy needs more heroin to make those veins more pronouced. We're on that starting next week. Beth tried everything from smacking my wife's arm, like a junkie on pay day to a little blue and red flashlight which highlights the vein. It was pretty cool. The gurneyman tried to goad her into releasing Amy to him, so and I could see Beth feeling rushed. I then learned a valuable lesson. The patient actually has rights. I told her, but loud enough to hear for the gurneyman, that I didn't care that the OR was ready. We'd move when Beth was ready. And Beth went back to work and the gurneyman stood like a soldier on the parade ground - silent. A few minutes later, Beth finally looked up and called it a day. She explained that the OR could dilate the veins and she was stumped. I can live with that. But patients need to stop moving for schedules, and hospitals need to start moving schedules for patients. The professionals I met today are in this business for the care they get to give - the pay is a bonus.

And so we went - to the elevator - then to a set of door which act like the giant curtain of Oz. And now I sit, and wonder.

Sorry for the break. While I was out, the doctor came out to talk to me. A great guy. After this is all over, I would by him dinner, but he has seen my wife in a way I haven't so I don't know if we could look at each other over steaks and try to erase that thought from my mind. Amy is fine - though completely stoned - lucky. She is in recovery.


It is 1030 now, and despite all of the annoying factors of the visit here, she will be fine. And orderly just came into the waiting room - she clearly has Downs Syndrome, but is high functioning, and she gives me a smile to tell me my wife is back to her room. And so I am off, to find her. And in a few weeks, we will be trying again, and again, to give my boy a little brother or sister to abuse mercilessly as I did to my wonderful sister.

A True Warrior

So, tonight I will depart from my normal rant on some subject which no one cares about and talk about heroism - the kind of heroics which often go ignored by the media and are referenced in speeches by figureheads who use these heroes as bullet points towards re-election. Tonight, I talked to my friend Rich, who sits today in Camp Liberty, Iraq. Rich has a mission in Iraq, which I won't talk about, but suffice it to say it is frought with danger and provides safety to the people of Iraq and to the people of the US.

Rich found me tonight, on IM, while I sat here reading Facebook updates and Googling starlets and harlots. In the background, Bear Gryllis lives a life of adventure, and my couch snuggles my bottom into its Jason-made divot. Rich sends me a note, beginning like any he would have written me from his home in New Jersey - "Yo!!!" - Rich is devout Italian, a religion unto itself.

Rich and I grew up together during our service, and while I left after my deployment to Europe, Rich signed on - again and again, to Kosovo, to Iraq, and again to Iraq, setting his civilian life aside to serve proudly in the face of danger. And despite my sage advice, just re-enlisted again while he is currently away, for another 6 years. While this will take him beyond the 20 years needed for retirement and bring him again at least once to a foreign land, he does so, out of love for his nation and pride in his service. And so he serves.

Today, he leads 50 men on a tough and high-risk mission, though I doubt many in Iraq today would not describe their missions as tough and high-risk. Suffice it to say that his is, and theirs may be less so. He chats me tonight though to ask me about my family. About my job. About my son, and my wife. And I want to beat his ass, but I understand. He wants to focus anywhere but where he is, and the stresses of his life, and just for a few minutes be transported to Cary, North Carolina, and get the sand out of his hair, and just leave it all behind.

He tells me his leave (military vacation) may be scrapped, because he wants his 50 troops to get home before him. He tells me that he needs nothing because Christmas has come and go, and they are overwhelmed with care packages - Though I tell him I will be shipping him one full of gay pornography and sex toys, with a letter on the outside telling him to open it in front of his troops (This is funnier than it sounds - my room mate in Bosnia who was with the Philadelphia Fire Department received a similar package, and I have never laughed so hard - however, some of the toys disappeared mysteriously. . .)

And shortly, thereafter, our conversation ended. It was 5 am Baghdad time when we started and Rich had a mission outbrief at 0600. For those not paying attention, this means that Rich's commander wanted a debrief from the mission he just finished. At 5 in the morning. Ask yourself, where were you at 5am today?

And so concluded my conversation with an old and most excellent friend. And one of our nation's many heroes. A man, like the many men and women who keep going back. Who put duty into their lives while many here make it the punch line to a joke (courtesy of Jack Nicholson). Who put their own well being in front of the men they lead, and who lead the men and women who put their own well being ahead of all of our own. Today, in a nation where only 1 in 10,000 Americans is personnally affected by the effort overseas, I wanted to write this to remember a great conversation with a hell of a guy. And Fletcher, when you read this some day - take a lesson in patriotism, and join the air force. Their jobs are safer, and dad won't have to worry as much.

Breaking – I mean, Broken - News – Nancy Grace is the wife of Satan

So, during my copious time off last week, I had the opportunity to drive my television’s remote control. As I was taking it through its paces – powering through the turns and burning up the straights - I found myself running through the several news channels. While each seems uniquely biased, and this bias level is adjusted based on who is sitting behind the desks, I came to the realization – There is no more reporting. There is only delivery of opinion.

While I have never been a fan of censorship, I found myself watching Nancy Grace, mesmerized with the fantasy of finding use for a ball gag. She rambled on, spewing pseudo-legal opinions on how to handle the trial of the Kaylee Anthony defendant (seriously, I cannot escape the story of this wretch). Beneath the talking read scrolled repeated facts about the case, and subtitles of the images of the defendant on her jailhouse intercom phone. While nothing new came from the story, the blonde head drooled over the digital corpse of a story, enlightening those who lived in a cave that the mother was talking to a visitor and mentioned anything about the case. (I suspect that if I were in jail for murdering a child, there might not be much else to talk about with any visitors).

Finally, when the wave of nausea was reaching its peak, my thumb slammed a series of keys taking from the channel to SpongeBob – A far more credible and newsworthy story (He and Patrick found the lost city of Atlantis – I am sure this will be covered by Geraldo Rivera, but he will naturally take credit until he realizes that this is one more hoax in his pathetic career as a journalist.) And then I returned to surfing the stations.

Wave after wave passed your surfer by, waiting patiently for something. And then it happened. I stopped surfing and I was swept into a killer wave. I stopped flipping to answer the phone, and there he was. Bill O’Reilly. Satan himself. (And he must be married to Nancy on some plane of hell) I watched opinions roll out of his mouth, wondering whether he has Helen Keller checking his facts. (My apologies to Ms. Keller – She was a remarkable woman, but not the best fact-checker to be sure). As his guests appeared in front of O’Reilly’s oral firing squad, the more liberal guest being shot first and most often, they quickly fell to his salvos of “loudest speaker wins”, and they slowly crept from their remote camera shots, to be replaced by another in search of their 15 minutes.

Again, I felt the sickness growing, and I ran screaming. I went back to Patrick and his spongy friend in the search for the streets of gold. However, I quickly recalled another of these pundits who suffered from a disease of the poor (and typically liberal) – drug addiction. The mentally and physically bloated Mr. Limbaugh, whose addiction to Hydrocodone was made somehow less serious than a heroin addiction, and which was quickly swept under the rug. This is a guy who I am sure thrashed Marion Berry for his snowy habits, and who has certainly basted the bleeding hearts for their positions on these social issues. Hypocrisy. Horse’s ass hypocrisy, of a level heretofore unseen.

The reality is that these heads can say whatever drives the ratings higher and punished for these crimes against our social fabric go undelivered. They drive fear and panic when they make statements about our “crashing” economy. They drive division when they pit artificially inflated groups against one another (the entire right against all of those die-hard liberals), and in doing so eliminate the middle two-thirds of us who are really neither. They make us numb to the death of a little girl, because they play it so often, it becomes the background soundtrack to our lives – and desensitizes us to the violence and tragedy in the American fabric. Unfortunately, there seems no respite from these jesters, except to shoot our TV which Americans cannot seem to do (I know I can’t).

However, I hope that as my family gets older, we as a nation become tired of the sludge and move past it, back to real news. In the meantime, I intend to teach my son (and soon a second child) how to think critically, and act responsibly in viewing television, and the media in general. In the meantime, I have to find something else to discuss, as by keeping them as part of the conversation, they find their power growing and our resistance waning.

Resolutions for 2009

The other night, my wife asked me if I had any resolutions yet for 2009. At the time, I winced, thinking that resolutions were typically made and surrendered by those who were willing to save all of their commitment to the end of the year and expend it on those few things which would be really life altering, rather than make slow course corrections during the year. And then I thought about it more, and realized that maybe I should make a few in order to publicly commit, thereby doubling my resolve and improving my odds of success at a few things which I have struggled with accomplishing in the past.

1. Lose that damn 30 pounds of fat. Yes, a weight loss commitment. How trite. Rest assured that this will be the only one you see here which you will find on many other’s lists. However, I need to get off my ass and lose this damn tire.

2. Treat work more like a game and less like work. I realized the other night that my competitive spirit on the playing field, in those few sports I enjoyed, brought me great pride and success, and if I treat my work more like that, I should be able to enjoy similar benefits. Unfortunately for my co-workers, they will have to hear me yell a little more and hug a little less. The reality is that a great team is regularly pushed, not constantly coddled.

3. Walk five hundred miles. So I turn 39 in a few days. I will be one year from 40, and one year from the beginning of my journey along the Appalachian Trail (A subject for another day, but I committed this past year to walk the AT in pieces once I turn 40.) To do this, I need to get out and walk. And walk. In the spirit of training for this vision quest in 12 months, I need to get physically and mentally ready. The journey begins with the first step, but I would rather it didn't end with a herniated disk.

4. Buy two houses. So, despite many times trying to buy stocks and make money, or trying to start a small business, I have never found much success in those endeavors. However, two out of three properties I have invested in property, I turned a significant profit in short terms. Therefore, this year, I endeavor to test this again. Look out slums, here I comes.

5. Change the world, build some karma – So I haven’t figured this out, but we need some change. I am thinking volunteer work, but who knows. The reality is that the opportunities abound, but my attention span is often lacking. Perhaps I will spread my beneficence across a variety of needy groups. And no, I am not thinking free breast exams. I am thinking mentoring a struggling kid, or building homes for the needy. (By the way, I re-wrote this sentence three times trying to find the politically correct terms)

6. Be a better dad and better husband in 2009 – While I don’t think that I was a bad dad, and usually not a bad husband – usually - I think there is room for improvement. This parenting thing isn’t always easy, and while we seem to be figuring it out, I look back on 2008 and can see a few areas where I could have done better. While he will likely be in therapy some day, he won’t be sitting on the couch at 30 living in my house wondering what life has in store for him, but rather out there grabbing it by the horns while his peers sit on their parent couches wondering what’s next.

I have others which I need to commit to, but which should require less effort -
- Stop listening to JLo,
- Stop shopping at WalMart, a blight on the visual and economic landscape of society
- Visit my mother and sister more. I know they miss me, but they should move closer
- Watch fewer crappy movies, but I wish the movie companies could produce anything else
- Remember to breath

So those are my seven core resolutions along with a few others for 2009. I will be starting many of them shortly, so watch out for attitude changes and mood swings. (I mean more than are there today.) Otherwise I look forward to reporting back in 12 months how I made out. I am sure that no one will care, except for me, but I plan to treat each of these like the game from number two above, and if I lose at any of them I will have no one to blame by myself.